OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
