No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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