Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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