So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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