You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
