if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
