apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
