its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
