Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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