Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
