You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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