I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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