I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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