wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just gift wrapped bread.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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