is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
