i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
