I am puke
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
