You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
