well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
