I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
