i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
