woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
