The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
