You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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