There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
