There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
