we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
