I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
