i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
