How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
