i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
