the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize