When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
