I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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