My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
