The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
