You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
