After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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