I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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