My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize