Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
