I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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