do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
