Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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