I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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