I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
