FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize