My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
