In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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