What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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