Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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