I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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