we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
