he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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