dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
