Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
