Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
