You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am available for nakedness
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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