That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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