Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize