I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
