Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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