so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
