Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize