weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
