Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
