yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
