The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
