She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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