you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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