we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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