there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
