the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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