My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
